No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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