I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
