Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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