I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
