Your face is a jimmy john
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
