three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
