Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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