If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just high enough for therapy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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