In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
