Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
