Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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