so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
