if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
