At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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