just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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