oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
