so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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