Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
