I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
