I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
