I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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