I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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