The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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