didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
