I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
