Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
