I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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