Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
