forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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