chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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