I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
