ugly people sure do ruin things
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
