My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize