I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
