I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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