Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
