I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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