Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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