return my video game
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
