The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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