I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
