i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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