my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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