But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
