He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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