Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
