What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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