Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
