i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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