paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
