there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
