Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
