Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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