There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize