All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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