Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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