dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
