addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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