where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
