To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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