i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
