Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
