Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
