The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
