All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
