so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hippo gnu deer
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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