Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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