You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
