This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
