i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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