You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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