The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
