i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we're making bets on your personal life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
