I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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