I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
