Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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